Gold Train

I still swear it was all Bibbie's idea.

'Fore I tell you how I became the most famous thief of Port Au Prince, I feel like I should back away, regress, tell my side so that when that sodium thiopental hits I can be secure in the knowledge that the world knows the real deal. 

We used to relax behind the Local A. It was me, Bibbie and Chopstick sharing a couple of Comets one Sunday (one part antifreeze to three parts isopropyl rubbing alcohol.) Church was in session but we had spent most of the night drinking and didn't much feel like getting drunk to a coupla sermons about how St. Budweiser had saved our neighborhood from the evil Dr. Peppers. (God-Christ! Everybody knew that Budweiser could kick the ass off of ol' Peppers anyway!)

So like I said, we was batting down behind the Local A when suddenly Bibbie shouted out, "Gold Train!" I didn't think to much of it at the time, Bibbie was a hard time hydro-huffer and prone to outbursts on occasion. It was when he was coming down and still yelling that I began to take notice. Through his rambling, hydrogen-fueled haze I began to realize that Bibbie was on to a real grift. 

Over the next half-hour, Bibbie described to me a plot so innovative, so cunning that it nearly cleared my sinuses. As he finished he sat back in the stack of tires that sufficed for a lawn chair and declared, "So that's what I got!" I was sunk like a 'cuda in a gasoline tank. The plan was near perfect.

The next day we struck out for supplies. Two hours, a brick, a fake mustache and a guitar later and we were sitting on the train station at Arby's central, smoking a fat one and waiting for the next train. I was nervous but then again I was huffing. Huffing always made me nervous. 

Over the next half hour my world spiraled out of control. Bibbie, a long time Hydro addict and short time con-man, had mixed up the trains and landed us on a jet loaded with half a dozen federal dope sniffers. I pulled my best but by the time I was on the train I was made like a goddamn oragami swan.  Before I knew it I was hopping down the train hoping to make it to the emergency window before the feds napped me. 

That's when I saw it. Believe me when I say that Bibbie and I (not to mention Chopstick, who's so dumb he couldn't follow Bibbie in a "piss in your own face" contest,") could have never planned anything so brilliant. There it sat. The world's most expensive, foreign robot- ours for the taking. What the damn was I supposed to do? I grabbed that metal-man by the arm like I was swinging to Tron Trenium and the Syncratic Syndroids and dove through that emergency window like I had the whole New India army on my ass. 

Not much else after that. I mean there's twenty beaches and a hundred interviews in the way, but that's basically how it happened. Bibbie and I went to prison and are now awaiting our "release dates", and chopstick still has never been picked up. I hear he's off in Brazil living high on whiskey and water. If you find him let me know, I still got forty to collect from that little Don-don.